In Defense of Getting Good at Being Bad at Things
“In a way that we rarely appreciate, the demands of excellence are at war with what we call freedom. For to permit yourself to do only that which you are good at is to be trapped in a cage whose bars are not steel but self-judgment.”
Doing things you’re bad at is good.
Read that again.
Aversion to things we’re bad at is partly natural, a matter of personality. However, I firmly believe that this aversion is mostly learned. We live in a product and results-oriented culture. The world right now is dominated by capitalistic values, meaning the context we live in influences our beliefs through the lens of productivity. We are encouraged to pursue what we’re already good at, and tend to prioritize what’s most likely to generate external value: money, success, admiration from others, and the end results. Whatever you believe about capitalism as a framework, this mentality negatively impacts our creativity. I want to offer a counter-narrative: being bad at stuff is actually a good thing.
Think back to your childhood. Do you remember how it felt to pick up crayons and paper and start drawing? Did you worry about being good? Did you think, “I’m not good enough to be a career artist, so this is a waste of time?” Probably not. I’m willing to bet that you just went for it. I see this when I teach art to kids. The vast majority of the time, I give them basic instruction and materials, and they’re off. Sure, they can get frustrated and there is the occasional child who beats up on themselves for not being “good at art”. But mostly, they’re just having fun and getting lost in the process. They create their own worlds and stories and love to talk about what they make. This is natural human creativity in action. We all have it.
So why is it that adults have such a hard time with this?
Once we reach a certain age, we are encouraged less and less to pursue creative activities for the joy of it. We’re taught that art isn’t important and that we should prioritize practical skills. Many of us who are naturally creatively gifted and enthusiastic are also discouraged from pursuing creativity as a primary path, but even if that’s not the case, talent gets professionalized early on. We’re taught that who we are is what we’re good at. After a while, what was once an organic, joyful part of life gets forced into the binary of “good” and “bad”.
Science and learning by being bad
The feeling of learning builds confidence, and repetition builds skill. We don’t start out as the version of ourselves who is “good” at something. We become that person by being “bad” at it and doing it over and over anyway. The feeling that we’re learning propels us forward. There is a chemistry here. Learning is associated with dopamine, the neurotransmitter that governs our brain’s reward system and motivation. When dopamine is released, we experience pleasure. Pleasure then motivates us to repeat an action.
When we experience the sensation of learning (that delicious feeling when it finally clicks after many attempts), our brains release dopamine. This creates a link between the activity and a positive feeling, compelling us to repetition. Repetition builds skill and confidence, which is how we can define “good”.
When we’re new at something, we have those juicy learning moments way more frequently than when we get good at it. In some ways, the beginner’s experience is the most enjoyable part of the journey because we’re getting such regular dopamine hits. But, it can take time for this positive association to develop. We don’t always have those big ah-hah moments right away, and that can feel frustrating and demotivating. The secret sauce is having a decent amount of tolerance for the feeling of being “bad” at it.
How to build tolerance for being bad at stuff
Sounds easier said than done, right? Well, it is. It’s challenging. It kinda sucks, actually. Fortunately, there are some actionable strategies for strengthening your tolerance. I’m drawn to creative exploration and have delved into many different mediums and creative outlets (way more than I realistically have time for, if I’m being honest), and over the years, I’ve learned some ways of getting over the initial hump:
Find Acceptance
First things first: when you start something new, you’re probably not going to be good at it, plain and simple. If you can accept this instead of fretting over it, you’ll be off to a better start. My generation were funneled into hyped up gifted programs and honors classes because every child s special and yada yada. I’m not a fan of that. It resulted in a whole generation of people who are inclined to give up if we’re not excellent at new things right away. This is so toxic to our ability to embrace learning. To embrace learning, we have to choose to be present with our lack of skill instead of wanting to fix it immediately. Take it as an opportunity to learn rather than a setback to being good. This goes a long way.
2. Identify Perfectionism
This term gets misapplied to traits like being detail oriented, a desire for excellence, or “type-A” tendencies. In reality, it’s is more mundane and extremely common. Perfectionism is a form of rigidity that comes from a fear of failure. It sneaks into our daily lives when we avoid completing a task or project because we fear we can’t execute it exactly right. It’s avoiding of potential mistakes, at the expense of possibility. It’s the fear of being judged for being wrong and fucking up, and it leads to freeze states, anxiety, and a loss of joy. Perfectionism prevents us from building resilience and embracing creative exploration. Notice and name this when it comes up. By identifying it, we have a choice to release it: “Ok, I see you, and I say ‘no thanks’.” Letting go of perfectionism is freedom to make mistakes, and through making mistakes, we discover new things. (“Success is just a set of well-curated failures.” –Madeleine Dore)
3. Focus on Small Chunks
Overwhelm: my arch nemesis. Few things are more demotivating than feeling overwhelmed. Rather than focusing on the whole task of learning something new, focus on what’s in front of you and immediately actionable. Focus on the smallest possible components. Want to get good at drawing? Start by picking up a pencil and making marks. Get used to how it feels to hold the pencil, what happens when you change your angle and pressure. Draw different shapes. Alternate between big, energetic scribbles and small, delicate marks. After a while, it’ll start to feel more natural, and when you go to, say, learn to shade by drawing spheres, you’ll have the first building block already done. Baby steps!
4. Notice Progress
Even if it’s the tiniest, most minute progress, notice it. Progress doesn’t mean “success”. It means movement and change. It won’t be “I’m really getting better at this,” every time. The itty bitty moments of insight, like identifying stuck points, seeing something you didn’t see before, or receiving inspiring advice, are also progress. Observing your progress, no matter how small, sets you up to be more open to opportunities for learning and less inclined to beat up on yourself when you get frustrated and make mistakes. It inspires faith that you’ll continue to see movement forward, especially when you’re stuck.
5. Fuck the End Result
Seriously. Let it go. Putting your focus on how something will turn out takes your focus away from the present moment. In order to learn effectively, you have to be present. You have to be in your body, have patience, and let yourself explore. I took up embroidery a few years ago, and let me tell you, embroidery is hard. It requires working with really finicky materials at a really small scale. Mistakes are easy to make, and correcting them is a pain. My first few pieces were sloppy disasters. The fabric was pinched, my stitches were inconsistent and too tight, and everything looked off-kilter. I had to decide whether to give into the frustration or to let go of how they looked and focus on the process. I had the foresight to choose the latter. It took me months, but the practice and patience paid off. I’m no expert, but I’ve made some pieces I’m proud of, and have given many of them as gifts. In order to end up with good results, I had to let go of getting god results. See what I mean?
6. Only Quit on a Good Day
Sometimes, phoning it in is the right thing to do. I don’t ascribe to a “no quitting” mindset. I kinda like quitting. It can be liberating. Not every creative activity or hobby you try out is gonna suit you, and that’s totally fine. My one piece of advice for when you’re tempted to throw in the towel is to quit on a day where things actually went pretty well. Knowing you can quit on a good day takes the pressure off. It gives you a sense of agency, while keeping yourself accountable a little longer. When that day comes where you find flow or a little progress moment, you can ask yourself again if you want to keep going. After a good day, you’re more likely to say “yes”. But even if the answer is “no”, at least that “no” comes from an authentic place, an intentional choice, rather than a moment of frustration.*
* (Obviously there are times when you try something out and there’s an immediate “nope”. This tidbit does not apply to those moments. I tried skiing once. It was a bad day. I quit immediately.)
These strategies can be useful for basically any practice, hobby, or skill you want to bring into your life. I’m coming from an artist perspective, so to me, they’re especially useful for creative endeavors, as we live in a culture that isn’t particularly supportive to picking up creative activities for the simple act of doing them. There’s so much more to being creative than what you end up with at the end of the process.
Creativity is not always a means to an end. It’s part of what makes us human. Like any other aspect of the self, when we invest in it, that part of us grows and strengthens. When we don’t, like an underutilized muscle, it atrophies. When we put energy into it, we learn and build confidence, which benefits us in a myriad of ways.